The Red Monologue

Mother, you won't believe what all happened to me today! I was on the way to Grandmama's house; like you asked, when all of a sudden, a BIG - MEAN - UGLY - BAD WOLF jumped out onto the path --- right in front of me! I wasn't scared though. Well, maybe a little.

Anyway, in a rough voice, he asked me "Where are you going, little girl and what's in the little basket of yours?" I told him that I was on the way to Grandmama's house because she wasn't feeling very well today and that I have soup and crackers in the basket that will make her feel all better. Then I said good-day to Mr. Wolf and started to walk away. Mr. Wolf got all huffy and puffy and ran away so fast that all the leaves blew down off of all of the trees in the forest!

A little farther down the path, I heard some strange squeal-like cries and whatever was making the sounds - they were getting close to me very fast. So I hid in the bushes.

As soon as I could see what was making the sounds, I jumped right out! I probably shouldn't have done that, because I scared them even more.

They squealed loudly and said, "Don't hurt us - please!" I said "I wouldn't dare hurt you little pigs. I wouldn't even hurt a flea. So, why are you crying, little pigs?"

I felt so badly for them. One little pig said, "There was a BIG - MEAN - UGLY - BAD WOLF back there!"

Another little pig said, "And he blew down all of our houses!"

The third little pig said, "Except mine, but I'm too scared to go back into my house that's made of bricks! Surely that will fall too!"

Then I said, "Hmm... that description sounds familiar! Little pigs, a brick house is a very strong house, so don't be afraid of that Big Bad Wolf! All of you should go to your brother's home. You'll be safe. Put some hot water on to boil in the fireplace and make some soup. It'll make you feel all better! In fact, that's what I'm taking to my Grandmama right now!" They liked my idea and hurried home.

So I continued forward - down the path - to Grandmama's house - that was where I was going. Then I came up to a man that had on a flanel shirt with an axe. It was so shiny, but it had a dent in it. I asked him, "Sir, why is there a dent in your axe?" He said, "All the better to make hand-hewn timbers." I thought to myself, "That's wonderful, but what is hewn?" I didn't let him know that, though. Then I said, "May I call you --- Sir Dent --- for your axe's dent?" He said to me, "Of course you can, little one!" I smiled and said, "I'm Little Red," and went on my merry way.

Next I saw Ms. Shirley and 'er son, even farther down the path. She said to me, "Hello, Sweetie Pie, aren't you just the constant walker..." I said, "Hello. I like to walk very much, but I have to hurry! Sorry! See you soon!" She said, "I'll see you later, you cheery little ripple maker." I thought, I am quite cheery, aren't I?" Well, I am.

Anyway, I finally reached Grandmama's house. The door was cracked. I thought that was a bit odd, but I knocked, because it's the polite thing to do. A rough and familiar voice called out, "Who's that knocking at my door?" Faintly, I said, "Why it's me, Little Red Riding hood, and I've brought some soup and crackers for you that will make you feel all better." Then I went in. All tucked under the covers, I heard, "Come closer." I did.

Guess what? It wasn't Grandmama at all! It was the BIG - MEAN - UGLY - BAD WOLF! He jumped out of bed and gobbled me up. It didn't hurt though, because he didn't have any teeth. He had to swallow me whole. I wasn't lonely in his belly, because he'd already eaten Grandmama. And wow, she was looking rather sick. I gave her the soup and crackers. She said that she didn't have any appetite.

All of a sudden, we were sprung out of his belly and onto the floor. It was Sir Dent - the man with the axe. He said not to look back, so we didn't. Then he told us to come back here and wait. So we did.

I wonder who that is at the door. Sir Dent! Wow! What a lovely grey and red rug! And it's made of fur! My favorite!

The End

An original work by FreeSchoolPlays.com, free to perform -- attribution the only requirement.

Audition prep notes

Full piece: 16 beats, ~785 words -- standard (4–7 minutes), about 5 min at a natural pace.

Start with the objective

Before you run it, name your character's objective in one sentence: what do they want in this moment, and what is in the way of getting it easily? Pace, volume, and movement all follow from that one sentence, not the other way around.

Map the beats

The current text breaks into 16 spoken beats. Use those breaks as a starting map, but test each one: a beat ends where the character's tactic changes, not merely where the paragraph does -- two paragraph-breaks may play as a single acting beat, or one may split into two.

Pacing for this length -- standard

Give yourself at least two real tactic changes across the piece so it does not play as one long, flat push. Use the natural beat breaks in the text (see the beat map below) as your starting map.

Delivery approach -- Comedy

Comic timing lives in the pause before the turn, not the punchline itself. Find the setup-and-turn shape in each beat and hold a beat longer than feels natural before you land it.

Framing for All ages

This piece is written to read across age groups. Start from the plainest version of the objective -- what the character wants, and why now -- before layering in the nuance your own age and experience bring to it.

Forensics eligibility -- Humorous Interpretation

This piece reads as Humorous Interpretation. That classification is illustrative only -- not official, not an NSDA, NCFL, or UIL certification. Always verify current eligibility with your event's own published rules before entering it in competition.

Generic coaching guidance for actors preparing this piece -- not a substitute for your director's or coach's notes.

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