The Water Fountain

A monologue for high school (grades 9-12), comedy. By FreeSchoolPlays.com.

THE CHARACTER

SAM -- a 15-year-old, hovering at the end of a hallway, quietly hyping themselves up to go say hello to a crush who is standing by the water fountain.

THE MONOLOGUE

Okay. Okay okay okay. They're right there. They're at the water fountain. This is a public location. It is completely normal for one human to walk up to another human at a water fountain. People do it. Constantly. It's practically what water fountains are for. Networking.

(peeking around the corner) Their name is Jordan and they laughed at my joke in bio last Tuesday. I've been living off that laugh for six days. I have rationed it. I take a little bite of it before quizzes. And I've decided today is the day I go over there and say a full sentence. Not a nod. I did the nod on Monday and it read as unwell.

(rehearsing) So the plan is: I walk over, I go, "Hey, Jordan." Casual. Then I say something about -- what do I say something about. The bio homework. Cells. I know things about cells. (beat) No. I cannot lead with cells. Nobody has ever fallen for anybody because of mitochondria. (beat) ...Although mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell, so.

(a breath, more honest) Here's the actual problem. It's not the words. I have words. It's that when I get near them my face forgets it's a face. It just -- resets. Like a computer that hit something it can't process. And my voice goes up half an octave and I become a cartoon of a nervous person, which, ironically, IS what I am, so at least it's accurate.

(steeling themselves) But you know what? No. I'm doing it. Because the worst thing that happens is I say hi, and they say hi, and the sky stays where it is. That's the whole gamble. Hi for hi. (beat, softer) I just... I want them to know I'm here. That's it. That's the entire thing. I want to be a person they've met on purpose.

(fixing hair, one last pep) Okay. Walking. Walking now. Real casual. (beat, not moving) ...I'm gonna go in three. One. Two. (beat) Two and a half. (a deep breath, and steps forward) Hey -- Jordan.

PERFORMANCE NOTE

Keep it strictly at crush level -- this is about the terror of being seen, not romance. The comedy is the loop of psyching up and stalling, so play the confidence and the collapse full-out, back to back. Let the "I want to be a person they've met on purpose" line drop the jokes entirely; that sincerity is the heart the laughs were protecting. The final step forward should cost real courage.

An original work by FreeSchoolPlays.com, free to perform -- attribution the only requirement.

Audition prep notes

Full piece: 6 beats, ~342 words -- short (2–4 minutes), about 2 min at a natural pace.

Start with the objective

Before you run it, name your character's objective in one sentence: what do they want in this moment, and what is in the way of getting it easily? Pace, volume, and movement all follow from that one sentence, not the other way around.

Map the beats

The current text breaks into 6 spoken beats. Use those breaks as a starting map, but test each one: a beat ends where the character's tactic changes, not merely where the paragraph does -- two paragraph-breaks may play as a single acting beat, or one may split into two.

Pacing for this length -- short

This is the classic audition length: build one clear arc from an opening state to a changed state by the end, with a single clean tactic shift in the middle to show range without over-plotting.

Delivery approach -- Comedy

Comic timing lives in the pause before the turn, not the punchline itself. Find the setup-and-turn shape in each beat and hold a beat longer than feels natural before you land it.

Framing for High school (9–12)

Layer subtext on top of a plain objective: name what the character wants, then find at least one tactic change mid-piece (asking becomes demanding, joking becomes pleading). Ground it in one specific, sensory detail rather than a general mood.

Forensics eligibility -- Humorous Interpretation

This piece reads as Humorous Interpretation. That classification is illustrative only -- not official, not an NSDA, NCFL, or UIL certification. Always verify current eligibility with your event's own published rules before entering it in competition.

Generic coaching guidance for actors preparing this piece -- not a substitute for your director's or coach's notes.

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