The Negotiation
by FreeSchoolPlays.com
Monologue · original · free to perform · attribution required
The Negotiation
A monologue for elementary, comedy. By FreeSchoolPlays.com.
THE CHARACTER
THE SPEAKER -- a kid in pajamas, standing at the edge of their bed at night, talking straight up at the ceiling as if the Tooth Fairy is already listening.
THE MONOLOGUE
Okay. Okay okay okay. It's loose. It is officially loose. Watch -- (wiggles tooth with tongue, gasps) -- did you SEE that? It went sideways. Teeth are not supposed to go sideways. That is the scariest thing my mouth has ever done.
But I'm not scared. I am extremely brave and I would like to discuss the money.
(to the ceiling, businesslike) Hi. Yes. Hello. It's me, the person with the tooth. I know the deal is one dollar. But hear me out. This is a FRONT tooth. This is a premium tooth. I chewed a whole apple with this tooth like eleven times. That has to be worth extra.
Also, and I want to be honest with you, I'm a little scared to pull it, so if you could just fly in early and kind of... take it while I'm distracted? I'll leave the light on. (beat, worried) Wait. Do you come while I'm ASLEEP? In my ROOM? That's a whole other thing we need to talk about.
(brave again, hand out for a handshake) A dollar-fifty and you knock first. Do we have a deal.
PERFORMANCE NOTE
The engine here is a kid flipping between two huge feelings faster than they can keep up -- pure terror of the wiggle and pure businesslike confidence about the payout. Let the fear jump out sideways (the "sideways" line, the "in my ROOM" realization) and then snap right back to the tough negotiator. The laugh lands hardest if the handshake offer is dead sincere, like a grown-up closing a deal.
An original work by FreeSchoolPlays.com, free to perform -- attribution the only requirement.
Audition prep notes
Full piece: 5 beats, ~186 words -- very short (Under 2 minutes), about 1 min at a natural pace.
Start with the objective
Before you run it, name your character's objective in one sentence: what do they want in this moment, and what is in the way of getting it easily? Pace, volume, and movement all follow from that one sentence, not the other way around.
Map the beats
The current text breaks into 5 spoken beats. Use those breaks as a starting map, but test each one: a beat ends where the character's tactic changes, not merely where the paragraph does -- two paragraph-breaks may play as a single acting beat, or one may split into two.
Pacing for this length -- very short
Economy is everything at this length: cut any preparatory movement before your first line, and land the final beat cleanly rather than adding a button. Under 2 minutes, this often plays as one unbroken thought.
Delivery approach -- Comedy
Comic timing lives in the pause before the turn, not the punchline itself. Find the setup-and-turn shape in each beat and hold a beat longer than feels natural before you land it.
Framing for Elementary (K–5)
Keep the objective simple and concrete: one sentence a classmate could repeat back, about what the character wants right now. One fully committed feeling reads better at this age than several half-formed ones -- prioritize clear diction and steady focus over emotional range.
Forensics eligibility -- Humorous Interpretation
This piece reads as Humorous Interpretation. That classification is illustrative only -- not official, not an NSDA, NCFL, or UIL certification. Always verify current eligibility with your event's own published rules before entering it in competition.
Generic coaching guidance for actors preparing this piece -- not a substitute for your director's or coach's notes.
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