This Is Gary
by FreeSchoolPlays.com
Monologue · original · free to perform · attribution required
This Is Gary
A monologue for elementary, comedy. By FreeSchoolPlays.com.
THE CHARACTER
THE SPEAKER -- a kid presenting an empty chair to a doubtful grown-up (a teacher, a grandparent), one arm around the air above the seat, absolutely certain.
THE MONOLOGUE
(gesturing to the empty chair with pride) Okay, so. This is Gary. Gary, say hi. (to the grown-up) He said hi, you just have to know how to listen.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking he's not real. But that's actually really rude, because Gary can hear you, and now he feels weird. (pats the air reassuringly) It's okay, buddy. Some grown-ups just aren't good at seeing things.
Let me tell you about Gary so you understand. He's eight and a half. He's slightly taller than the ceiling, but he folds up for cars. He's allergic to Tuesdays. And he is EXCELLENT at hide and seek because -- and this is just science -- you literally cannot find him.
(suddenly serious, defending him) And yeah, when I couldn't find anybody to sit with at lunch on the first day? Gary sat with me. Every day. He never once said he was busy.
(bright again, moving on) So anyway that's Gary. You don't have to believe in him. (leaning in, kind) He believes in YOU, though. He told me. He thinks you're doing a great job.
PERFORMANCE NOTE
Total, cheerful certainty is the whole game -- the kid is not pretending, Gary is simply a fact, and the skeptic is the one being weird. Fire the absurd details ("allergic to Tuesdays," "folds up for cars") off deadpan and fast. Then let the lunch line quietly reveal why Gary exists, without milking it, before the kid bounces right back and turns the tables with Gary's generous review of the grown-up.
An original work by FreeSchoolPlays.com, free to perform -- attribution the only requirement.
Audition prep notes
Full piece: 5 beats, ~186 words -- very short (Under 2 minutes), about 1 min at a natural pace.
Start with the objective
Before you run it, name your character's objective in one sentence: what do they want in this moment, and what is in the way of getting it easily? Pace, volume, and movement all follow from that one sentence, not the other way around.
Map the beats
The current text breaks into 5 spoken beats. Use those breaks as a starting map, but test each one: a beat ends where the character's tactic changes, not merely where the paragraph does -- two paragraph-breaks may play as a single acting beat, or one may split into two.
Pacing for this length -- very short
Economy is everything at this length: cut any preparatory movement before your first line, and land the final beat cleanly rather than adding a button. Under 2 minutes, this often plays as one unbroken thought.
Delivery approach -- Comedy
Comic timing lives in the pause before the turn, not the punchline itself. Find the setup-and-turn shape in each beat and hold a beat longer than feels natural before you land it.
Framing for Elementary (K–5)
Keep the objective simple and concrete: one sentence a classmate could repeat back, about what the character wants right now. One fully committed feeling reads better at this age than several half-formed ones -- prioritize clear diction and steady focus over emotional range.
Forensics eligibility -- Humorous Interpretation
This piece reads as Humorous Interpretation. That classification is illustrative only -- not official, not an NSDA, NCFL, or UIL certification. Always verify current eligibility with your event's own published rules before entering it in competition.
Generic coaching guidance for actors preparing this piece -- not a substitute for your director's or coach's notes.
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