The People Versus Broccoli
- Performer
- Audition / event
- Title
- The People Versus Broccoli
- Attribution
- by FreeSchoolPlays.com
- Source
- Original work
- Length
- ~1 min (179 words, whole piece)
- Cut
- Full monologue (5 beats).
"The People Versus Broccoli", by FreeSchoolPlays.com, via FreeSchoolPlays.com. Free to perform; attribution required.
Members of the jury. (gestures at the plate) I direct your attention to the defendant. The broccoli.
My client -- me -- is accused of "not even trying it." I intend to prove that trying it is unnecessary, on account of the fact that we already KNOW. Exhibit A: it is a tiny tree. We are being asked to eat a tiny tree. Nobody eats trees. Squirrels don't even eat the trees, and squirrels eat garbage.
Exhibit B. (leans in, dramatic) The smell. I rest my case on the smell.
(pointing across the table) Now. My sister claims broccoli is "actually pretty good with cheese." I would remind the court that my sister also eats the crust. Her testimony cannot be trusted.
(the twist, thinking fast) Your Honor -- Mom -- I see you reaching for the "no dessert" ruling. And so, in conclusion, I would like to withdraw all previous statements and say that I love broccoli, it's my best friend, and I will be eating two pieces immediately. (sits, stabs a piece, forced brave smile) The defense rests. Mostly on flavor.
"The People Versus Broccoli", by FreeSchoolPlays.com, via FreeSchoolPlays.com. Free to perform; attribution required.
Audition prep notes
Full piece: 5 beats, ~179 words -- very short (Under 2 minutes), about 1 min at a natural pace.
Start with the objective
Before you run it, name your character's objective in one sentence: what do they want in this moment, and what is in the way of getting it easily? Pace, volume, and movement all follow from that one sentence, not the other way around.
Map the beats
The current text breaks into 5 spoken beats. Use those breaks as a starting map, but test each one: a beat ends where the character's tactic changes, not merely where the paragraph does -- two paragraph-breaks may play as a single acting beat, or one may split into two.
Pacing for this length -- very short
Economy is everything at this length: cut any preparatory movement before your first line, and land the final beat cleanly rather than adding a button. Under 2 minutes, this often plays as one unbroken thought.
Delivery approach -- Comedy
Comic timing lives in the pause before the turn, not the punchline itself. Find the setup-and-turn shape in each beat and hold a beat longer than feels natural before you land it.
Framing for Elementary (K–5)
Keep the objective simple and concrete: one sentence a classmate could repeat back, about what the character wants right now. One fully committed feeling reads better at this age than several half-formed ones -- prioritize clear diction and steady focus over emotional range.
Forensics eligibility -- Humorous Interpretation
This piece reads as Humorous Interpretation. That classification is illustrative only -- not official, not an NSDA, NCFL, or UIL certification. Always verify current eligibility with your event's own published rules before entering it in competition.
Generic coaching guidance for actors preparing this piece -- not a substitute for your director's or coach's notes.
Free to read, print, and perform. No royalty, no performance fee. The credit line above is required and is placed automatically on this packet; keep it in your program and audition materials.